Differences of Being in Love and Really Loving Someone



Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be in love. I grew up on old romantic movies and novels, I couldn’t wait to fall. So, when I got older I tried to fall in love…a lot and very quickly. I wanted novel-like love, fairy-tale love, a love like Hollywood portrays. I thought love was an obsession with someone, not a commitment to them.

My unhealthy addiction with a delusional and false portrayal of love stems from a childhood of wanting to be loved. From being severely bullied to coming from a divorced family, I quickly and mistakenly learned to believe I could not be loved and if someone did love me, I did not believe them. I still hoped a ‘perfect’ and crazy kind of love existed, just not for me. It took a lot of heartbreak and stupid choices for me to understand the differences of being in love and really loving someone.

I’m sharing this with you so you can connect with my humble journey of learning what it’s like to really love someone, to sacrifice an idea and a part of yourself to experience real love.

Falling In Love.

Oh, gosh. It’s so sweet isn’t it? The first stages of wooing someone or being wooed. The all-consuming thoughts, manic energy and the feeling that maybe and finally you have met the one.  All you can think about is this mysterious human being, it is all you want to talk about. You feel you could move mountains, or at least climb one. You want it right now, there is no time to waste.

Those feelings and emotions are overwhelming aren’t they? That first kiss that is brought to a halt due to a smile or a bashful giggle. You think to yourself, this person is everything I have ever wanted and I need them. Eventually, you come back to reality and realize this person too, has faults. They are not super-human, but just human.

Owning someone or at least wanting to own a part of them to make yourself temporarily happy, is not actually loving someone. Own yourself and your identity, and you won’t need anyone.

Falling ‘in love’ with someone is literally altering chemicals in your brain. In a matter of seconds after locking eyes with this person, your body starts to fall in love. In the first stages of being infatuated, all anyone talks about is how attractive the person they met is and you start to crave them like a drug. Hormones increase, pupils dilate, you become nauseous with anxiety just from thinking about them or the fact they just text you again…sound familiar?

Don’t let your body chemistry trick you, everyone eventually comes down and then you are left there…wondering if this person is really right for you. Enjoy falling in love, but know that eventually you will start to feel different or fall right out of love with that person.

Loving Someone.

This is a choice. Falling lead to real feeling and you chose to start a life with this wonderful person. By this point, you’ve met some of their flaws and probably have been annoyed with them a time or two, three, okay maybe four times. Loving this person means accepting them for their flaws and selflessly giving a part of yourself to them because you want them to be loved and for them to love you in return, despite your own issues.

Loving someone doesn’t mean you won’t experience thoughts of immense love you have for this person, it just becomes more realistic. It may be a fleeting thought or racing heart thinking to yourself “I can’t believe this person loves me the way that they do, no matter what.” To me, that’s better than an endless stream of wild what ifs and anxiety-filled nights.

You will never own someone you truly love, you won’t want to. You want them to feel free and better themselves on a daily basis, to be confident in you and themselves. Jealousy is natural, but obsessive and controlling behavior is not real love. Everyone goes through it and everyone is guilty of being obsessive at least once. I don’t care if you hide it, the point is… you still do it. When you actually love someone, you won’t feel the need to act like this.

It’s not a chemical romance, it is real. You don’t need the constant high to remind you that you love them, it’s just there. You aren’t really searching for happiness elsewhere, you are content. Every decision you make, every hardship you face, and when you just need someone to listen, they are always there. You know that no matter what, you will always and forever love them.

There is no battle, there is only love.  curitiba-mormon-temple18

About the Author:

Kate Rae is an intuitive writer discussing the world of mental illness and how healthy living and a little humor can greatly improve your well being. Kate recently started an uplifting blog about anxiety, relationships, and holistic living that you can follow here. Also her daily lifestyle can be followed on her instagram here.

Please follow and like us: