Happiness Archive

When creating a family, everyone wants to be happy in their marriage. And one of the criteria for happiness is marital fidelity. Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor conducted an experiment with more than 800 couples and found out that men and women have basic needs that should be satisfied in order to decrease the chances of infidelity.

We read Willard F. Harley Jr.’s book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage and we want to share the information about which needs, according to Hartley, should be satisfied to ensure that the couple is happy and the partners don’t want to change anything.

1. Her need to have tenderness and his need to have sex

  • Women have the need to have tenderness.

It’s not just about tenderness, but also about attachment and love. These feelings can be expressed in multiple ways: kissing and hugging, flowers, calls, and general caring gestures. All these things make a woman feel protected and comfortable.

  • Men have the need to have sex.

Women often underestimate men’s strong need to have sex. Willard F. Harley thinks that men’s need for sex and women’s need for tenderness are connected. If a man doesn’t show any love or tenderness, there are chances that he won’t get any sex. And vice versa, if a woman doesn’t let a man have sex with her, he won’t be tender with her.

2. Her need to talk and his need to have a friend for hobbies and entertainment

  • Women have the need to talk.

Women need their men to listen to them and give them feedback about what they say. In courtship, the couple happily meets each other and talks. For women, it’s very important to have the same thing in their marriage. Willard F. Harley found out that in order to feel satisfied, women need about 15 hours of men’s attention per week. This is a little more than 2 hours per day.

  • Men need their women to be a companion in entertainment.

Women often share their partners’ interests while dating: they go fishing, watch hockey, and so on. In marriage, they either try to get their partners enjoy what they like or let their husband do what they like alone. But for men, it’s very important that their wives are good companions. According to the psychologist, relaxing with their wives is the second most important thing for men.

3. Her need for honesty and his need to have an attractive wife

  • Women need an honest and open partner.

Women’s trust is based on the honesty of their partner. That’s why, in order not to lose their trust, it’s very important for a man to be honest even with the smallest details.

  • Men need physically attractive wives.

Let’s be realistic: men can’t appreciate their wives only for their intelligence. They also need them to be physically attractive.

4. Her need to have enough money and his need to have a cozy house

  • Women need to have enough money.

We might say that there is never enough money but there is a certain amount necessary for life, stability, and feeling safe. This is what the scientist means.

  • Men need their houses to be cozy.

Men encounter a lot of problems and tasks every day that need to be solved regularly, so it’s very important that they have a tidy and orderly place where they can rest. This need is so strong that they even dream about it.

5. Her need to have a husband who is a good father and his need to be admired

  • Women need their husbands to be good fathers.

It’s important to women that their husbands are good role models for their sons and the image of a perfect man for their daughters. Also, men need to take certain responsibilities in the development and education of their children.

  • Men need to be admired.

It’s important for men to be proud of themselves and realize that their women admire them. Sincere admiration is a serious motivator for men. It inspires them to do even more.

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14 Signs You’ve Found A Truly Good Man

Posted June 2, 2018 By Mark

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A good man is hard to find. Despite the fact that the odds will not always be in your favor, the ideas of romantic relationships, true love and soulmates are still alive.

It’s estimated that the two-thirds of Americans believe in the concept of a ‘soulmate,’ that there’s one man or woman out there in the world whom they’re destined to find and love.

With more than 7.6 billion people on the planet, it’s no wonder that we’re going to have to kiss several frogs before we finally find our prince charming. The dating world brings both great joy and unbearable heartache. Despite the possibility of getting hurt, it’s all worth it when you’ve finally found ‘the one.’ However, how can you know for sure that the person you are with is worthy of it?

#1 – He Makes You Feel Secure

One of the traits of a relationship which is highly coveted is that of security. A good man will certainly go out of his way to make sure that you have nothing less than that. Determined to keep you secure in any situation, he is not afraid to stand up for the woman he loves.

#2 – He’s Never Abusive

That doesn’t simply refer to the fact that he does not physically lay a hand on you. A good man is not abusive in any way. A good man won’t be physically, mentally or emotionally abusive to anybody that he meets in his life: from the waiter at his favorite restaurant right up to his woman and his family.

#3 – He’s There to Support You

That’s not to say that he is there to agree with every single thing you say or do blindly. However, when it truly matters, you can count on him; he’s going to be there to support you throughout your life’s challenges.

#4 – You Are His Priority

If he were to list his priorities, you would be among the firsts. He understands that to have a happy, healthy relationship you cannot leave work, hobbies, friends, and family behind. However, he will devote a great amount of his time to the woman who matters to him.

#5 – He is Honest

Dishonesty is among the greatest relationship killers. A good man always tells the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable or hurtful. He understands the importance of honesty and won’t give you any reason not to trust him.

#6 – He Will Never Cross the Line

You’re going to have some arguments and disagreements throughout your relationship because that’s an inevitable part of any relationship. However, he understands that he can disagree with your opinions without crossing any lines into attacking, degrading or disrespecting you.

#7 – He Makes You Feel Beautiful Inside and Out

A good man does not merely say the words; he wants to make sure that you always feel beautiful both inside and out. He does that through his actions and how he interacts with you every day.

#8 – He Stands by You Through Everything

Throughout all of your life’s challenges, struggles and celebrations your good man will always stand proudly by your side. He can understand that real love stays strong in both the good and the bad times, and he would not even entertain the idea of ever abandoning you when you need him the most.

#9 – He Appreciates the ‘Little Things’ in Life

While several men will focus on the grand gestures and forget about the smaller nuances of a content relationship, a good man always appreciates the little moments. He’s the guy who will live you little love notes, hold the door, and do the dishes without being asked.

#10 – He Understands That Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Anyone can talk a big game, making themselves sound like the perfect romantic ones. The difference is that a good man follows up with actions to support his statements. He knows that his actions speak louder than any words and he’s willing to put effort into living with this knowledge in mind each day.

#11 – He Inspires You

When you’re around him, you find yourself trying to be the best version of yourself. Energetic, motivated and true to himself, a good man sets an example you cannot help but follow.

#12 – He Has Worked Hard to Earn Your Trust

A good man knows that trust is not something that’s freely handed out to just anybody and everybody. He dedicates himself every day to earn your trust, and will never take it for granted.

#13 – He Opens Up to You

A relationship is a partnership, and as such you expect your partner to be there with you no matter what might happen in life. A good man understands that to be a cohesive team, you both need to open up to each other and share even your most vulnerable sides.

#14 – He Actively Tries to Be the Best Version of Himself

He isn’t willing to settle for simply being a ‘good’ person in this world. A good man knows that he has the potential to become great, and actively seeks opportunities for self-improvement and growth while trying to become the best version of himself.

 

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This article 14 Signs You’ve Found A Truly Good Man was published by Thinking Humanity and it is re-posted here under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License

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** While this article is informative for the women – it is in a very real way the same for the men.  They also need to know you want them as well. **

Regardless of what a woman may believe is the reason why a guy does not pursue her strong enough, the true reason is the fact that he isn’t into her enough. Remember that you don’t intimidate him and that he isn’t shy.

In case he’s interested, he’ll pursue you. However, in case he isn’t interested, you may live next door and he won’t pay attention to you.

A guy has a strong desire to be the initiator in a relationship. It is actually part of his manhood. He likes to seize the challenge.

He likes the pursuit. When he knows what he truly wants, he’ll go after it. So, in case a guy you love isn’t pursuing you, it means that he isn’t interested in you.

He may make many excuses as to why he does not go after you. He may tell you anything or even beat around the bush or lie to you to keep you from feeling hurt. He may tell you that he is busy, he has other things going on, he is swamped with work, or he might even ghost you.

He’s a charming and good looking man. His smile does make you melt. He may open doors for you, and he may have even taken you on several dates. However, what about the days or even weeks that you have been left asking yourself if you did something wrong or caused him to lose interest in you?

Do not chase after a guy that does not give you the time of day, or that does not put in the effort to talk to you. You should stop talking to him, when you start doubting that you’re anything special.

Do not allow him to play with your feelings, mind, and body. You must know your self-worth. You must be secure and confident enough with yourself. You shouldn’t waste your time by waiting around for a guy that doesn’t want to go after or pursue you.

A real man will pursue you on a daily basis. He’ll not play with your emotions, and he’ll not call you only when it is convenient for him. He’ll lead you closer to your goals as he does want you to be happy and succeed. He’ll admire you for all your imperfections and flaws. He’ll not tell you that he does accept your flaws and then use them against you when he is frustrated or angry with you. He’ll not treat you with disrespect. He’ll motivate you to be the best version of yourself.

Life is, without a doubt, busy. However, in case he genuinely cares about you, he’ll make time for you.

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Happy Couples

Posted April 26, 2018 By Mark

 

 

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In any lasting relationship togetherness is critical. Don’t ever underestimate the power of being together. Together we can do anything. Together we will do everything. Together we will always win and we will become “One”. Nothing can separate the togetherness of being “One”.


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6 Signs You’re Meant To Be Together

Posted February 25, 2017 By Mark

 

I really think that we can all agree on one thing – being crazy in love is one of the most magical experiences in our lives? What do you think? Do you share the same enthusiasm? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

 

And, the following questions usually “appear” when you meet someone new:

  • To stay or not to stay?
  • Is he/she the RIGHT one?
  • Are we compatible?

People, let’s face it – you (CAN’T) don’t always know if you are meant for each other. Yes, nobody knows! Sometimes is just as simple as stepping back and opening up your heart to what’s in front of you. But, sometimes it can be very (difficult, challenging … )

But, you shouldn’t be worried, because in this article we’re going to show you 6 signs you’re destined to be together. This means that you should be very careful and don’t ignore these signs! Ladies and gentlemen – sit back, relax and enjoy the ride:

1 – Respect.

We all know that respect is very important for every relationship. Mutual appreciation requires a mature level of trust and respect (and respect requires honesty). In my personal opinion, the best and “purest” form of love is how you behave with another in a relationship, and in that state of respect you get to share things that you wouldn’t tell anyone. And, this is very important for you to remember – respect is earned. You can’t buy it,  you can’t steal it – you have to EARN IT!  And, one last thing – if you are in a relationship that provides safety and security, then you’re really lucky (because you’ve found your perfect match).

2 – You have the same interests. 

You and your partner share the same passion for sports, hobbies, or culinary delights. Yes, this a great sign for the longevity of your relationship.

3  – You share your deepest secrets. 

You share your deepest secrets or your greatest fears with your partner. Yes, if you’re able to trust a partner and feel comfortable enough to share your secrets with him/her, then you should know that this will strengthen your connection.

4 – Jealousy – NO.

You always enjoy the time together, but you also need a private space. There is no jealousy in the relationship because you still remain individuals. There is no strain for past insecurities because you feel at ease with, and without, each other all the time. You spend time with friends and apart. Each time you reconnect it is rewarding. There is no co-dependency or possessiveness. You crave to be with each other but it is important to have freedom of expression and separate interests.

5 – You “fight” well. 

Unfortunately, no couple is immune to arguing. Yes, we all know that – it’s inevitable. But, did you know that how well you do it is the true test of your relationship? And remember – if you’re able to eventually reach a productive conclusion the next time the two of you spar over watching your/your partner’s favorite TV show, you’re practically meant to be.

6 – You finish each other’s sentences. 

YES, this may sound cliché, but when two people know each other well enough to know what the other is thinking, it means both of you can be yourselves, completely. And there’s nothing better than being with someone who loves you exactly the way you are. 

20 Ways to Always Be Happy

Posted December 23, 2016 By Mark

 

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  1. Socialize. Having lots of contacts with others is the key to success. One person might give you a really useful idea for work, whilst in other cases you might meet someone really special. It doesn’t matter if you don’t become best friends with everyone that you meet; the main thing is simply to keep in contact. Having a wide circle of acquaintances is a guarantee that you’ll have someone to turn to whatever problem your facing or question you have. Of course, this means you have to be ready to help others as much as they’ll be ready to help you. But that should make you feel great as well.
  2. Don’t be too modest. If you don’t show initiative and a degree of courage, you could end up being the equivalent of an unused piece of furniture sitting in a dusty corner somewhere for your whole life — despite having a huge number of talents. Promoting yourself and your abilities is a skill which you simply have to acquire if you want to get anywhere in life. There’s nothing shameful in focusing people’s attention on your abilities and successes. People need to understand that you’re successful, so that they know you have the potential to be useful to them as well. The trick is to not let self-promotion turn into arrogance.
  3. Do what you enjoy. It sounds too simple, but it’s true: you’ll become happier much more easily if you just do what you genuinely like doing, and do it often. Don’t try to do what others demand or expect you to do; there are too many people out there (none of whom are genuinely happy) who waste their whole lives doing what they think society expects them to do. Listen to your own inner thoughts, feelings and hopes, and ignore social pressures. Become yourself, and you’ll find joy.
  4. Be friends with positive people. The most inspiring kinds of people are the optimists — those whose lives aren’t necessarily perfect, but who nevertheless have the innate ability to look at the challenges life throws at them with humor, and therefore don’t over-dramatize any situation. People’s attitudes are affected by others as if by chain reaction. Someone’s bad mood can very easily rub off on you over some trivial matter — that means you should try to stick around with positive people as much as possible. It’s a fact that positive people generally have greater success in both work and relationships. Small, daily moments of joy add up to happiness overall.
  5. Treat life as a game, which you sometimes win and sometimes lose. Some people ruin their lives by taking it too seriously — it just leads to tension, stress and ultimately failure. Happy people are often the ones who don’t look at things so fatalistically and understand that life is a lottery. Any problem can be seen in a light-hearted way. It’s not always easy to see the funny side of things, but if you can, it helps 100 per cent, deflating the problem like a balloon.
  6. Think positively. Negative thinking is crippling — it shapes your behavior, which then affects your thinking, and it becomes a vicious circle. And the saddest thing is people don’t even realize they’re stuck in this negative cycle. The only answer is to think positive, to stop wasting time mulling over your real or imagined failures. There is always something positive you can focus on — as they say, hope springs eternal. That’s the only way out.
  7. Give yourself credit. Be happy at your successes, no matter how small they might be. We say to ourselves far too much something along the lines of: ’You call that success? That was nothing. Other people have achieved far more than I have.’ Never, ever devalue what you have achieved, otherwise you won’t experience any more achievements. Give yourself credit, and reward yourself in whatever way you like. Psychologists suggest that, should you reward yourself with a present, put it somewhere where you’ll see it every day — this will motivate you to go further.
  8. Smile. It’s said that even a forced smile can lead to the same feelings as a sincere one, given time. Working those muscles in your face opens up your blood vessels and increases the supply of oxygen to your brain, your body’s cells and your central nervous system. This leads to the production of more endorphins, which make you more optimistic. And of course, talking to a smiling person is always more pleasant than talking to a sad one.
  9. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Some people find it hard to forget even the tiniest, most insignificant unpleasant experience. This is an innate side to their character which they have to struggle against. It’s important to know how to consciously shift your mood and emotion from negative to positive, and to change your behaviour depending on the circumstances. Don’t get stuck in an orbit around your failures. Look for an alternative perspective on life, and your chances of being happy will increase.
  10. Laugh more, laugh often. When we laugh, we feel great. This is partly the result of the fact that laughter stimulates the production of certain chemicals, including endorphins, which naturally raise our spirits. When you laugh, you feel better, and when you feel better, there’s a greater chance you will come up with new ideas about how to improve things. The simplest, guaranteed way to do this — just watch a comedy program which you like.
  11. Focus on the positive things around you. If you spend large amounts of your time listening to gloomy music or reading about all the bad things going on in the world through the newspapers, don’t count on having a good mood very often. Instead, focus on the positive things around you: all the beautiful things you have, wonderful music, great people you know and love. Only let these good things influence your thoughts, and you’ll be happier and more joyful straight away.
  12. Eat properly. Don’t get distracted by all those severe diets. Not eating enough leads to fatigue, sluggish concentration, and to apathy. You won’t ever feel better that way. But apart from that, food is also one of the greatest sources of pleasure you can find. Good food can release endorphins as good as anything else. So, don’t starve yourself — eat a lot, and eat well.
  13. Find an outlet for your creativity. The therapeutic effects of having a hobby have been proved time and again. Whatever it is you like doing — painting, reading, music, dance, sport, craft work — you can enjoy doing it yourself. Engaging in your hobbies reduces stress, helps you to relax, and has a positive effect on your overall health. It’s the ideal method for raising your sense of self-worth and overcoming that sense of self-pity. Creative people are often the happiest — this is due to the amount of endorphins their generating from all that focusing on their hobbies.
  14. Try something new. Don’t get locked into doing the same old things. Life never stands still, and trying something new might lead to very important, positive changes in your life. If an opportunity appears, why not go for it? Get back into education, change your profession completely. Success most often comes to those who are willing to take a risk. Always say yes to new offers and suggestions, even if you don’t know what exactly it is you’re going to do.
  15. Lighten your load. Apologize to those you have wronged, pay off your debts, throw out all those things you never use anymore, fulfill all your outstanding tasks and responsibilities. In short, clean up your life and put things in order in the same way you would with your computer. You’ll feel happier and ready for a new start.
  16. Get more sunshine. How much sunshine you get can affect your mood. People with depression have been known to even get ’light therapy’ because it can affect things so much. Darkness produces more melatonin in your body, which lowers your mood and gives you gloomy thoughts. An extra portion of sunlight can turn this around. So, if the sun is shining, head outside!
  17. Regularly do something cultural. The arts can have tremendous healing effect on the soul. They drive out your everyday worries and transform your mood. This is because the impressions that creative works have on you increase your brain’s activity, which can act as an impetus for new ideas and the inspiration to realize your plans and dreams. So, head to the theater or the art gallery — today.
  18. Stay in touch with nature. Even a short getaway from the city can restore your positive energy. Walk barefoot on the grass, brush your hands over the bark of an old tree, breathe in the scents of the forest, listen to the sounds of the river and the song of the birds, and you’re guaranteed to feel much better. Even a walk in a local park can reduce the level of any negative feelings or thoughts you have and free up internal intellectual, creative and emotional reserves — which you can then channel in the right direction.
  19. Keep a good luck charm. This could be something as simple as a little plush toy, or a ring. Whatever you had in your possession at happy moments in your life and which you can easily carry with you anywhere at all times. Here the placebo effect can come into play — if you genuinely believe a lucky charm brings you luck, then you’ll be subconsciously motivated to get what you want.
  20. Accept that you’re lucky. Think about all the things which prove that you’re actually an immensely lucky person. Think about all the you have, and be thankful for it. In actual fact, it just seems like you have no reason to ever be happy or grateful — that’s not really the case. You have a roof over your head; you aren’t going hungry; you’re free to choose your own path in life. And if nothing else, you have been blessed with the gift of life. Think objectively about all the things you should be grateful for, and be grateful! Just understanding how lucky you are is already half the battle on the path to success and happiness. Now you just have to make a bit more effort to reach your destination.

 

Glass of Water

Posted December 19, 2016 By Mark

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How heavy is this glass of water? The answer will surprise you.

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

Remember to put the glass down.

The Secret to Happiness

Posted December 7, 2016 By Mark

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The secret is to release attachment To outcomes. A fear that many people have is that if they don’t hold tightly to their goals and dreams and think about them all day long, they won’t accomplish them. Yet it is the very attachment to outcomes, to getting a specific result, that sets the stage for anxiety, the fear that you won’t achieve what you want.

As you learn to release the attachment, new creative energies—as well as feelings of courage and confidence—spring forth, and actually move you closer to your objectives.

Worrying about the future is one of the main causes of stress in our lives. It is a habit that just perpetuates fear, the uncomfortable feeling that we aren’t enough as we are. It keeps us stuck in the belief that such-and-such must happen if we are going to be happy, and that if it doesn’t, our lives will be miserable.There’s a story about J. Krishnamurti that speaks reams about what it means to be free of this limiting, fear-based pattern of thinking. Every spring he used to give talks in a beautiful oak grove in Ojai, in southern California. He had been speaking there for over sixty years. On this particular occasion when I went to hear him, in the late nineteen-seventies, there must have been close to two thousand people in attendance, sitting on the grass, or in their folding chairs.

Revealing His Secret

Part way through this particular talk, Krishnamurti suddenly paused, leaned forward, and said, almost conspiratorially, “Do you want to know what my secret is?” Almost as though we were one body we sat up, even more alert than we had been, if that was possible. I could see people all around me lean forward, their ears straining and their mouths slowly opening in hushed anticipation.

Krishnamurti rarely ever talked about himself or his own process, and now he was about to give us his secret! He was in many ways a mountaintop teacher—somewhat distant, aloof, seemingly unapproachable, unless you were part of his inner circle.

Yet that’s why we came to Ojai every spring, to see if we could find out just what his secret was. We wanted to know how he managed to be so aware and enlightened, while we struggled with conflict and our numerous problems.

There was a silence. Then he said in a soft, almost shy voice, “You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

I don’t mind what happens. That is the essence of inner freedom. This is the secret to happiness. It is a timeless spiritual truth: release attachment to outcomes, and—deep inside yourself—you’ll feel good no matter what. You’ll feel good because you are connected to, one with, the energy of the universe, the beauty and power of creation itself. Or, as Krishnamurti himself put it:

“When you live with this awareness, this sensitivity, life has an astonishing way of taking care of you. Then there is no problem of security, of what people say or do not say, and that is the beauty of life.”

 

The 12 Biggest Life Secrets Forgotten By Mankind

Posted December 1, 2016 By Mark

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Here is a list of 12 life secrets I believe we have forgotten, or more importantly, a list of 12 things to remember:

1. We forgot our place in the natural world:

This is the first of the 12 forgotten life secrets. In the last couple of hundred years we have detached ourselves from nature. We have exploited, ravaged, consumed and attempted to control nature to appease our greed driven by self-absorbed madness. We tried to distance ourselves from the natural circle of life. We forgot how to listen to and understand the natural rhythms and cycles of the earth – its signs and languages. We forgot to follow nature’s path and live in balance with it.

2. We forgot our connection to life and the cosmos:

By detaching ourselves from nature, we forgot that we are deeply connected to it and to the cycles of the universe. Some tribes on the outskirts of ‘civilization’, and who still follow ancestral ways, have preserved this connection with respect and reverence. We, on the other hand have instilled a sense of separateness which drove us out of balance and in dis-ease.  We forgot how all consciousness is interconnected and weaved into a delicate and beautiful dance.

 

3. We forgot our ancient wisdom:

We forgot our ancestral wisdom. In the quest to gain scientific knowledge through the rationalization of our mind, we forgot the wisdom through the opening of our heart. We forgot the ancient stories and folk wisdom that was handed down from from seers and wise men of antiquity who lived in harmony with the universe.

4. We forgot our path and our dreams:

By stirring away from our inner path we forgot to dream the dream of life. More importantly we forgot how to awake in that dream and see our true nature as co-creators of life – as the dreamers. We forgot that we have the power to weave dreams and use our power of intention to direct those dreams into manifestation.

5. We forgot our purpose:

With too much chatter, noise and distraction in this dense reality we forgot what we came here to do. We forgot our purpose. We are caught in the mass trance of fabricated consensual reality. We lost sight of our authenticity, that inner spark that drives us towards our happiness and self-realization. We forgot that we are here to be realized as spiritual beings embodied in a physical form and embedded in a congenial universe.

6. We forgot that everything is Love:

This is perhaps the deepest mystery of all that only some seers came to understand it as an all-embracing truth. That truth however is hidden somewhere deep inside of us. We knew it at some point but have lost touch with it. We forgot that everything is ultimately energy and consciousness and that love is the fundamental fabric of existence that runs through all energy and consciousness.

7. We forgot to Forgive:

By being made to believe that we are separate and disconnected from the others and from everything else, we forgot to forgive. In its deepest sense forgiveness is the act of reminding ourselves that we are one with everyone and everything and that there is no victim or perpetrator. It’s just all of us together moving together in a dynamic web we call life.

8. We forgot to be Free:

Remind yourself one thing everyday: You were made to be free.

We were born and raised in a ‘reality’ where freedom is only a concept. We were bound to the shackles of fear, misconceptions, false ideologies, material reward and held ransom to rules and laws laid down to safeguard the interest of the few. We were made to forget that we are free agents of change. We are free to be who we are without fear or guilt.

9. We forgot our real power:

Living in fear has made us forget how powerful we are. We forgot the massive power of our will and intention to change our reality. We have been tranced into sleepwalking and following the ready made signs like automatons.

10. We forgot our lessons from history:

If there is something that history has taught us is how fast we are at forgetting our lessons. Time and time again we keep on repeating the same mistakes, stuck in the same patterns of greed and self-destruction. We cannot be blamed individually for the mistakes done by humanity in the past but we are responsible as individuals to to remind ourselves of the past mistakes and pass it on to the collective psyche.

11. We forgot to be simple:

Human life got more complex and complicated. We are seduced by the glitter of more and not by the power of less. We forgot to be simple and the meaning of simplicity. Life is simple really. Simplicity means discarding all the inessential stuff and ideas that clutter the view to our life purpose and the other truths we have forgotten.

12. We forgot to trust, believe and wonder:

This is the last of the 12 biggest life secrets forgotten by all of us. We lost our enchantment with the world. We forgot to be wondered by the miracle of life. We do not stand in awe at the majesty of it all anymore. Our skepticism and cynical view of the world has made us lose trust in ourselves and the magic of the universe. We forgot how to believe. This is perhaps the biggest tragedy of all. It weakened our spirit and impoverished our soul.

7 Ways To Simplify Your Life And Be Happy

Posted November 26, 2016 By Mark
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When I ask millennial ‘s “What would be a successful life for you?” the responses range from being wealthy, being a top executive in their company, being famous and known, to setting up their own business, traveling the world and so on. However, when I ask ‘What is it that gives you lasting happiness?’ I get very different responses: ‘Making my mom happy, helping people in need, being in love, being understood and valued, providing for my family, enjoying quality time with friends’. It all boils down to devouring the simple joys of life and having fulfilling relationships.

 

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Initially, I found it rather odd to see people have such different paths to success and happiness. Shouldn’t success make you happy? And isn’t being happy, being successful? However, as I continued digging deeper with those powerful questions, I realized that our definition of success is largely shaped (read distorted) by the society. You are only successful if you are rich, popular, at the top end of the corporate ladder with a huge mansion and a Ferrari, taking at least four margarita-soaked vacations every year. If you come to think of it, in the quest of worldly pleasures, our lives have become so complicated and cluttered, that we seem to have forgotten the basics.

The other day as I was working at a café, I could overhear a bunch of twenty-somethings sitting on the next table discussing how tough the work environment is, how people have become so impatient and unreasonable. How bosses don’t trust you with deadlines and keep following up every day. They were trying to call the waiter, but as it was a busy time, it took a while for their waiter and food to come. As they went on with their rambling, the waiter finally came with their food. One of them burst out and complained about the delay, in a rather rude way. He even went on to say the service is pathetic, and he will never come here again. The waiter apologized profusely and called the manager who did the same.

With no intention to judge anyone, I was just appalled at the sheer dichotomy of words and actions, whereby they were whining and complaining about their work environment for those same behaviors of impatience and intolerance, which they were guilty of themselves, in another work environment, without even realizing it.

We have to be the change we wish to see in others. It does not work any other way. If we want to live a simpler, happier life, we need to go back to basics and rekindle the values of empathy, tolerance, compassion, trust and love in ourselves.

Where do we start? For me, back to basics is a journey of simplification to a fulfilling, soulful life. I firmly believe that deep down we are all good human beings who are born and raised with good morals and values. As we grow up and let life happen to us, with all its issues and challenges, we get to a point where our core essence is suppressed and overshadowed. All we need is to de-clutter our lives from these complications and superficialities to reconnect with our core.

Easier said than done? Sure, here are my top 7 tips to simplify your life:

1. Reconnect with your core and align your choices with it.

Know who you are and what is important to you. Step back to (re) discover your essence: the values and beliefs you hold dear and the strengths that you possess. Once this is done, align every choice and decision in your life to it. From daily activities to major decisions. Upon doing this exercise, I realized how important having ‘FUN’ is for me. Since we only have so many hours in a day, now I ensure that I do not waste time being bored to death in activities or with people that do not interest me.

2. Free up your time to free up your mind

Slow down! What about that awesome to-do list of yours with a million and one tasks? Slash it down by half, yes that’s correct! Go through it again and think about every task on the list, do you really want to do it? Is it necessary? Can it wait until tomorrow? Have a want-to list instead of a to-do list.

There is compelling evidence that we get more done when we slow down. Don’t fall for multi-tasking; it’s an illusion of productivity. Slowing down frees up our mind and allows for more creative and intuitive thinking. It makes us better listeners as we are present in the moment.

3. Recover from ‘perfection-vitus.’

Stop sweating the small stuff. Nothing in life is perfect and in your quest for perfectionism, you spend way too much time on things that could have followed the famous 80-20 rule. I’m the biggest culprit of being a perfectionist. Couple that with being highly results oriented and you get someone who will passionately work day and night to get the job done, almost perfectly, while  hardly being able to enjoy the creative process.

4. Spend 2 hours everyday ‘gadget-free’.

Ditch the screen! With all your hi-tech devices and tools, you are still working longer and harder. Wouldn’t hurt anyone to let go of them just for 2 hours a day. Without the usual overstimulation, you will realize how long those two hours of the day were and thank me for many important things you got done.

5. Do not trade your life for money

Adopt minimalism as a lifestyle. Ok, I hear you, you don’t have to strip life down to its bare bones. Instead, after having the clarity of your core values, needs and wants, you need to take stock of all the material inventory you possess and assess whether you really have more than needed. Less is more. Investing in life’s experiences with people close to us brings the most joy overtime. Life is all about memories.

6. Delete negativity from your life: thoughts, emotions, and people.

Walk away from haters! Negative thoughts, emotions, and people drain you by sucking all your energy. Negativity is contagious and toxic, it spreads like a virus, feeding off one another’s fears and anxieties. How to deal with it? See the tip below, the best saved for the last.

7. Practice Gratitude and give back

gratitude

Allow yourself to recognize all you have. Gratitude takes practice. In our fast-paced lives, it is not something that will come naturally to us every day. Make room for it by reflecting and counting your blessings. You could write post-its in the morning and put them on your fridge as reminders, or mark your calendar with all the things you are thankful for. Before you sleep, replay the movie of your day or week and watch it with the eyes of an unprivileged outsider (always works). Take a quiet, solitary walk and appreciate all the goodness of nature around you. Say your prayers and connect with your spiritual self. Once you learn this art, you would automatically want to give back and share what you have with others.

 

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Want to take this ‘back to basics’ philosophy to your workplace? Want to increase your productivity by simplifying your work schedule? Get in touch with me at samia@directiondose.com for a free session or visit www.directiondose.com to find out how I can help you.