Happiness Archive

What really makes us HU-MANS happy?

Posted November 4, 2019 By Mark

Have you ever heard of the Harvard study that ran for 75+ years to assess what makes us happy? It’s a revolutionary study in psychology.

It followed the lives of two groups of men for over 75 years, and it now follows their Baby Boomer children to understand how childhood experience reaches across decades to affect health and wellbeing in middle age.

So what keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it’s fame and money, you’re not alone – but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you’re mistaken. As the director of a 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction and he lays it all bare in the Ted talk below.

So what is the number one factor in your happiness and wellbeing? According to Waldinger:

“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.”

Yep, the biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love.

Specifically, the study showed that having someone you can rely upon helps your nervous systems relax, helps your brain stay healthy and reduces the emotional pain.

The data also clearly found that those who feel lonely are more likely to see their physical health decline earlier and die younger.

“It’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship,” says Waldinger. “It’s the quality of your close relationships that matters.”

It doesn’t matter whether you have huge group friends, or if you’re in the perfect romantic relationship, it’s the quality of the relationships that counts – how much depth and honesty exists within them; the extent to which you can relax and be seen for who you truly are.

This a very good reminder to prioritize an authentic connection with others. Because the data is clear that, in the end, you could all have the money you’ve ever wanted, but without loving relationships, you won’t be happy.

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Falling in love is easy. It’s staying in love that takes a little work.

True, it’s important not to force love or push a connection. But if you’ve been together long enough, you know that it’s essential to keep that spark alive from time to time.

There’s a stage in every relationship where couples get too comfortable with each other, that they start taking each other for granted.

You start forgetting to do the little things that make each other smile. Or you fail to show how you appreciate one another.

According to Judy Ford, psychotherapist, counselor, and author of ‘Every Day Love: The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other.,

“Realise that it is in moments of restlessness and upheaval that you find out who you are and what it truly means to love.

“It’s easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when the setting is romantic, when you’ve got jingle in your pocket, when you’re looking good and feeling fine.

“But when one of you is out of sorts, exhausted, overwhelmed and distracted, behaving lovingly requires conscious effort.

At the end of the day, relationships take work, and you need to put on the conscious effort of choosing to stay in love with each other.

The good news is, you don’t need to do grand things to make your partner fall more deeply in love with you. Read ahead to learn 11 simple things that can ensure your love lasts a lifetime.

1. Appreciate them every day.

You’ve gotten used to each other. That means that you don’t think twice about the things they consciously do to make sure you’re happy and comfortable. But try to remain appreciative of these small things. Always say thank you and show appreciation when they go out of their way to make you dinner or when they buy you your favorite pastry. It might be inconsequential to you, but showing them you’re grateful for all the things they do, no matter how small, goes a long way to making them feel loved.

2. Let them have a life.

Just because you are a couple doesn’t mean you need to be joined at the hip every second. You need to remember that you both have your own lives. You have your own careers, goals, social life, and interests. And it’s absolutely healthy to give each other space. Giving your partner time alone to relax, do what they love, or spend time with their friends and family, can be a nice gift to give them from time to time

3. Offer to do things they don’t like to do themselves.

This is a small gesture, but you have no idea how much they’ll appreciate it. You probably already know the chores or errands that your partner hates doing, offer to do it for them. If they don’t like doing the groceries, take the initiative to do it yourself.

If your partner’s language of love is “acts of service,” they’ll literally give you the heart eyes.

4. Stay away from your phone when you’re together.

Nothing is more annoying than trying to talk to someone who is so busy with their phone. Not only is it irritating, but it’s extremely disrespectful to your partner. It might be good to establish a “no phone” rule when you’re out on date night or when you’re chilling with Netflix at home. Stay connected with your partner, not your smartphone.

5. Don’t ask them to give up anything important to them.

If you really love someone, you don’t ask them to give up anything they love for you. Never ask your partner to choose you over their passion. They will resent you for it. Ultimatums like this can even damage your relationship beyond repair. Instead, support them. Don’t make them feel guilty for spending less time with you. Tell them that it’s okay to do what they love. They will appreciate you for it.

6. Learn to handle arguments in a healthy and mature way.

No one wants to be with someone who loves drama and acts immaturely during fights. If you want your partner to listen to you and respect you, you need to handle your fights and disagreements like an adult. They will appreciate you more as a partner. And it’s good for your relationship, too,

7. Be their soundboard.

Sometimes your partner just wants to vent out. Maybe they’ve had a horrible day at work, or are frustrated about something. Or perhaps they’ve discovered a new idea they are passionate about. Take the time to listen to them. Be a place of comfort for them. They probably do the same thing for you. So don’t forget to return the favor.

8. It’s all in the small details.

You don’t have to buy the biggest and most expensive gifts for your partner. In truth, they’ll appreciate it more if you give them something intimate and personal. Sometimes, even showing up at their workplace with their favorite coffee in hand can make them smile for weeks. Truthfully, it’s all in the small details. Remember the little things they love and incorporate it to everything you give them. This makes all your gifts more memorable and meaningful.

9. Make time for them in your busy schedule.

Sometimes life just gets too hectic that it’s easy to be out-of-sync with your partner. But it’s important to make sure you both have time for each other. Even if it’s as simple as making sure you go to bed at the same time, or having lunch once a week. Doing this makes your partner know that you prioritize your relationship, too.

10. Surprise them with nice gestures.

Everyone loves to be surprised with a nice gesture. Even if it’s just randomly calling your partner to check up on them. It doesn’t have to be big or grand. Take them out on a surprise picnic at the park, or throw them an intimate surprise birthday party. Not only is it fun to plan for you, but it also gives them a feeling of being well-loved.

11. Be their cheerleader.

The best thing about being in love, is having a best friend – and everything that comes with it. Don’t forget to be there for your partner through the good times and bad. Grieve with them when they fail. And celebrate their successes when they come. Be their life’s cheerleader and never fail to make them feel like you have their back. There’s nothing more that speaks of real, deep love, than having a true life partner holding your hand.

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Hard Truths About Love

Posted March 15, 2019 By Mark

People go around throwing I love you’s as if these words are nothing. And when it comes to honoring their words with actions, a lot of them have absolutely nothing to show for… And 

Today I will share with you 10 hard truths about love that can improve not just our relationships, but also our lives, and the whole world.

1. There is no love without self-love

Pay close attention to those people who tell you how much they love you, but who treat themselves as if there is nothing worthy about them. If a person has no love for themselves, they will have no love to offer to those around. How can anyone offer you something they themselves don’t have? It’s just not possible.

“I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.’ … There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” ~Maya Angelou

2. Love is not selective

I used to be so proud of the fact that I had love only for a selective few. And in my ignorance, I failed to realize that my love was flawed and imperfect. Because just as the Eckhart Tolle so beautifully said it,

“Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the “love” of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary.”

3. Codependency is not love

So many people confuse co-dependency with love when in fact these two have nothing to do with one another. Love is pure, perfect, and honest. While co-dependency is nothing but fear masked as love trying to cling onto other people by sucking the life out of them and by making them feel responsible for our own happiness, fulfillment, and well-being.

4. Love is not blind infatuation

You often hear people say things like: Oh my God, I fell in love! I’m so happy. And then after a little while, the same people will affirm: Oh, I’m so unhappy. I no longer love them. I fell out of love… But the truth of the matter is that what these people felt wasn’t love, but rather a blind infatuation that lasted for a little while and then it disappeared. Because that’s what infatuation does – it comes and goes.

5. Love is eternal

Love isn’t something you fall in, and out of. Love just is. Love is eternal and always present. And iIf there’s true and honest love in your heart for someone, this love will remain with you for as long as you live. And whether you allow this love to be felt or not, that is your choice.

6. Love is not blind, or foolish

Love is not foolish, and love is not blind. Love will not permit us to be walked all over by those we love.

If somebody you love treats you in toxic and unkind ways, out of love for them and yourself, you will be guided intuitively to do what’s right – by either removing yourself from the toxic relationship or by asking them to change and correct their ways – but under no circumstances will love ask you to stay in a relationship where you will be abused, manipulated, and mistreated. So keep that in mind.

7. Love is to be offered to all

You might think that the only people worthy of your love are your family, your partner, your friends and a selective few. But the truth of the matter is that the whole world is worthy and deserving of your love and affection. And since we are all ONE – connected with each other in a profound and meaningful way – it is your responsibility to expand your circle of compassion and offer your love and support, not just to those close to you, but to the whole world.

8. Love needs nothing in return

If you think you have a right to receive just because you have given your love to others, that is a clear sign your love is flawed and imperfect. Because love is pure and unconditional. It offers itself to the whole world without wanting anything in return. And even though we were taught to believe that we should only offer our love only to those who offer their love to us, we should never forget that true love comes with no conditions.

9. The word Love has become empty of meaning, but love itself has never lost its power

We go around throwing “I love you’s” as if love was nothing. But love is not, nothing. Love is everything. Love is the Source of all things. Love is what we all need, what we all seek, and what we all need. And even though the word love has become empty of meaning through years and years of misuse, love itself has never lost its value and its power.

10. Love isn’t what we think it is

Love isn’t what we think it is. Love is what we feel. And since the majority of people have become disconnected from their own hearts and feelings, what we are getting is not love, but an idea of what love is supposed to be.

And these are 10 hard truths about love we should all know. What about you? What is one hard truth about love that you’ve learned and made your life better? You can share your comment in the comment section below.

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15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Posted March 8, 2019 By Mark

The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters. – Audrey Hepburn

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

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Please, don’t live only for your children! Not only they don’t need it, but it’s also harming them … How many destroyed lives, broken hearts, bitterness and misunderstandings!

I see women who have given up on their lives for their children. And then I see those kids whom they gave up everything for. The picture is sad …

I’m begging you, don’t live for the children! Have a different purpose in life, find another definition of motherhood and fatherhood, so the little boys and girls who come to this planet don’t become hostages and victims of your “mercy” and guardianship.

Let them grow, the way God wanted to. Whatever you have it’s enough. Someone has millions, and someone fights to meet ends – it’s different for everybody. You can’t allow it to influence your child and his or her upbringing. It is what it is.

Love your husband. Children grow up, but he will stay with you. You can give the children an example of a good relationship, so one day the want their own family and children.

Obsessing over your children’s ‘problems’ will make you forget who you as a couple once were. Eventually, you will start ignoring your own and your husband’s desires and needs which, probably, won’t end pretty.

Love yourself. Do not forget about yourself in the race for your children’s happiness. Do not give up on the dress because of a new robot. Do not change your beautician for a more expensive tutor.

If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of others? What example are you giving? What kind of love is it? Where will it come from?

Seek the meaning of life beyond the material. This life will end one day, even if you don’t want to think about it now. Spiritual practice, religion, prayer, reading the Scriptures … You can draw strength from there, instead turning your children in a power source.

Do not live for the children, please. When I meet people to whom parents have given everything they ever wanted, and more, it’s really painful to look them in the eye. In many I recognize myself and my pain. I see these pains, broken hearts, empty souls. In their eyes – a cry for help. Pain, despair, guilt …

They – like all children – want to love their parents and be close with them. But simply they can’t do it. It’s draining them.

Give your children the ability to live and breathe. Then they will be able to grow and develop in a way they were predestined to.

We are like gardeners. Our role as parents is simple – ‘water’ our children in time, protect them from ‘pests’, but don’t hide them from the ‘Sun’. Just like flowers they will make the best use of it, and turn into something beautiful. 


found at https://consciousreminder.com/2018/12/30/dont-let-your-children-become-the-only-reason-you-live

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Life seems to be a cycle of falling down and getting up again. A process of gaining knowledge and learning lessons. As humans, we are not built to be perfect. Most of us will even make the same mistake over and over again. Yet we do contain the ability to learn from our mistakes which teaches us how to grow as a person.

Some lessons are more profound than others. These we call life lessons. This type of knowledge is a very valuable package we try to carry with us, always. Yet sometimes, some people tend to forget this and they need to be reminded.

Most of the knowledge of life lessons, is purely to help and inform yourself. Maybe others can benefit from it at some point via you, but primarily this knowledge is there to aid you and only you. Forgetting those will only create more difficulties and probably some negative outcomes along with it.

So, even if it has only the slightest chance to make life just a tiny bit easier, then it’s worth it. For your own sake then, rather do not forget these 5 life lessons ever again.

1. Life is what you make of it

There is a reason why this saying is being repeated so often, it has a lot of truth to it. You are the director of your own life. That is the part people often tend to forget.

Not everything is within our own control, some people would rather focus on the things they can’t control than the things they can, such as their own actions. Setting yourself in a victim role and blaming the whole world for the position you are in, seems to be an easy option.

Yet over time it will only drag you down further. Instead, rather try to focus on the aspects you can control and where you can actually make a change. Things probably won’t be fixed in a day or two, but by taking over the reins again you can actually establish your own results, even if it takes longer. Don’t let your life be run by others. It is your life, your responsibility. You show yourself what you can make of it.

2.  Changes can be the best thing for your life, don’t be afraid to make them

Things do not always turn out as planned. Sometimes this will be in your favor and other times it will not. When you notice you are heading in the wrong way, don’t be afraid to change the direction. Being stubborn and continuing in the same wrong direction will only get you farther away from your destination.

This metaphor can be applied to every aspect of our life. The destination can have a different meaning for every single person. This can include the people you are involved with or a goal you set out for yourself.

If you realize certain things or people deprive you from growing and feeling happy, do not expect that to change. You will have to make changes. Some will be bigger than others but this is where you change the course of your life.

3. Life is already hard as it is, don’t be too hard on yourself

There is nothing wrong with trying to be best you can at what you do. Yet some people have the tendency to push themselves too far. Not only are they being their own worst critic, they take perfectionism to a whole new level.

You yourself are the only one that truly knows how much effort you put into something. Giving yourself grief while you did the best you could is just pointless.

It’s just a part we need to accept as humans; that we are not perfect.  The sooner you accept that, the easier you can be on yourself. It will give you the space to enjoy life a whole lot more.

4. Prioritize what truly matters

Being invested in everything and everyone can make life more interesting, yet many times you tend to give more of yourself than you have to spare. By prioritizing  the things that really matter in your life, you will realize the petty things that do not truly count do not deserve the amount of attention they get at this stage. Leaving you with more time to invest in the things you love and are truly important.

5. Life is too short to dwell in past or worry about the future     

We have one certainty in life and that is that it will come to an end. We don’t know when and we don’t know how but we do know it will happen at a certain point. Be, or at least try to be, thankful for the past for where it brought today. Even if it has been a rough ride, it probably brought you a whole lot of life lessons.

Cherish those but do not obsessively hold on to the past. The word itself says it already, it has past and can’t be altered or brought back. The future on the other hand is something which lies ahead.

Worrying about it will only distract you from the present. Making you negligent on what is actually happening around you. In other words it will make you miss out on life.


Found at https://dreamcatcherreality.com/life-lessons/?fbclid=IwAR0ytGgl00q3rl-ZeAcpX7igvUh93vUQ3bPUj8CQp8D6Sp5Cg5Hm2k3-D08

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You see, trust in marriage can always be built and made stronger over time. Even after trust has been broken, it can be rebuilt using these two proven steps: transparency and effective communication, even when it may be difficult.

As you already know, trust is extremely vital for your marriage to thrive and be fulfilling. It’s also the most important thing that makes pursuing any relationship worthwhile.

In fact, trust is the glue that holds a healthy marriage together because, without it, a great relationship can’t exist.

That’s why we want to show you the two most important and effective steps required for building, or rebuilding, trust with your spouse.

Now, think about this:

Can your marriage survive without trust? 

Is it even possible to have a healthy marriage without the complete trust of your spouse?

As you can see, trusting your spouse is key to a happy, healthy, and fulfilling marriage. From our experience, it is impossible for married couples to have a “real” marriage or relationship without that complete trust.

By “real” relationship, we mean a fulfilling and healthy marriage.

The well-known causes of trust issues in marriages

When it comes to trust issues in marriages, the most common cause is one or a combination of the following:

Extra-marital sex


 Financial infidelity

Emotional affairs

Constant contact with an ex


That being said, the presence of trust issues certainly plays a big role in many unhappy and unhealthy marriages.

Most importantly, trust issues such as infidelity can result in lifelong consequential effects on your kids, spouse, family, and self-image.

Building and maintaining complete trust in your marriage should be a top priority!

Why complete trust in marriage is so important

Building complete trust with each other is one of the best things we’ve done to build a strong foundation for our marriage.

As a result of building complete trust in our marriage, we’ve been able to talk about anything and be heard.

Also, the freedom to express yourself makes you feel secure. It also creates a peaceful home environment.

In other words, being able to trust your husband or wife provides you with comfort. It reduces stress, insecurity, and worries about your husband or wife not being transparent with you about everything.

Unfortunately, having no trust in your marriage means your marriage could end in a separation or divorce very quickly.

The lack of trust could also lead to an unhappy life with a roommate (your spouse).

Trust also impacts all forms of intimacy

Whether it’s emotional, intellectual, or sexual intimacy, trust plays a big role in how satisfied you and your spouse will be.

In marriage, we have the opportunity to have the most intimate relationship with another human being; our spouse.

For you and your spouse to be so closely connected, you must feel comfortable enough to bare your souls to each other.

Dr. Henry Cloud puts it this way, “Intimacy comes from “knowing” the other person at a deep level. If there are barriers to honesty, knowing is ruled out and the false takes over.” (Boundaries in Marriage).

In order for us to feel safe enough to bare our souls to each other, to be naked not just in a physical, but an emotional way with our spouse, you must be able to trust them.

Again, Dr. Cloud puts it this way, “True intimacy is the closest thing to heaven we can know.

Trust is one of the best perks we can have through our marriage. Truly knowing someone, having them know you, being truly loved and accepted for who you are, is truly mind-blowing.

The first step on how to build trust in your marriage

Building trust in a marriage does not happen overnight. It takes TIME.

Building trust requires effort, especially if either you and/or your spouse have trust issues from past relationships, or marriage(s). There is an easier way to make complete trust a reality in your marriage.

Start by being transparent and completely honest with your spouse.

Communicate truthfully. STOP the petty lies. Don’t fudge anything.

Tell your spouse when you overspend on an item in your monthly budget. Tell your spouse, when you have entertained thoughts about being with another person, or are tempted to cheat. (How do you and your spouse define cheating for your marriage?)

Again, tell your spouse when you are hurt by his/her words and actions, but also be ready to take responsibility for your own emotions. When you forget and didn’t do something you said you would do, be honest about it with your spouse.

Sincere and honest communication won’t be easy all the time. But do it anyway because the end result is worth it!

Honest communication is a simple, yet effective concept. Because the more you establish trust through transparency, the more you will become completely open, feel connected to your spouse, and strengthen trust in your marriage.

Can one little “white lie” really do any harm to your marriage?

Why must I tell my spouse so much? Our answer is simple.

As you strengthen trust between you both, the need for such detailed transparency will lessen over time.

When building, or rebuilding trust in your marriage, you each need to see that the other is being honest and is trustworthy all the time.

From our experience, being consistently open about the little things makes it easier, to be honest about the bigger things that come up in life. Practicing this creates a transparent and honest communication environment in your marriage.

In other words, trust is built through consistency.

Lies or not telling your spouse the truth, because what they don’t know won’t hurt them, simply erodes the basic foundation of your marriage (trust).

In addition, you will find it difficult to be transparent and as a result, being truly intimate on a deeper level with your spouse will not be possible.

“Deception damages a relationship. The act of lying is much more damaging than the things that are being lied about because lying undermines the knowing of one another and the connection itself.”

“Deception is the one thing that cannot be worked through because it denies the problem.” – Dr. Henry Cloud.

The second step in building trust in your marriage

Needless to say, if the first step in building trust is transparency, naturally, the second step will be… effective communication. It’s one of the most important marriage skills that will get you closer to building trust with your spouse.

Effective communication will also help you to communicate without fighting, feel heard, and be able to learn how to empathetically listen to your spouse.

Once you learn how to communicate with your spouse it will become easier to approach or talk to your spouse about anything. For example, you will be able to have deeper conversations, which is the key to intellectual intimacy.

Effective communication is the path that will help you build trust with your spouse. In addition, communicating effectively brings you together, helps you to connect with each other, and makes being honest easier.

Simply because you will be talking to your best friend. The person you have decided to commit the rest of your life to and established an intimate relationship with.

And here’s the best part:

When you completely trust your spouse, sex is better, more passionate, free and satisfying. 😉

You need to be honest with your spouse!

And your wife or husband needs to be honest with you too, even when it hurts.

Take the first steps to establish trust by communicating to your spouse that you need to be honest with each other from now on.

We had a few incidences in our first year of marriage where complete honesty was not present. We hurt each other in the process unintentionally.

But we worked through this by communicating truthfully; explaining that it wasn’t okay. We wouldn’t accept being dishonest in our marriage, forgave each other and made sure to not make the same mistakes again (lining up our actions with our words).

Did we mess up again?


It happens to all of us. We are not perfect and never will be. All we can do is strive to be better every day, learn from our mistakes, and move on.

We messed up again. But now, we can say we completely trust each other after implementing the 2 proven steps we mentioned above consistently.

By communicating effectively with each other, we came up with a plan that helped us to survive our first year of marriage.

As you know, part of the reasons why we started this website is to help other married couples avoid the same mistakes we did. Learn from our mistakes to avoid the pain!

The biggest reasons that make rebuilding trust in marriage hard

First, it took you a lot of time, experiences, and reflections to trust your then boyfriend/girlfriend, now spouse. So much so you decided to get engaged and later chose to marry him or her out of the billions of human beings in this world.

Second, because trust is built over time, it hurts so much more when its broken by the person you love the most.

The person you have committed to spend the rest of your life with.

Lastly, as humans, it’s very difficult for us to forget the emotional pains we experience, which makes it more difficult for us to rebuild trust once it’s broken.

And depending on what caused the trust to be broken, it could take anywhere from a few weeks to more than a year to rebuild trust in a marriage.

How to rebuild trust in a marriage

Although rebuilding trust in a marriage after lying is not easy, trust can be rebuilt again after it has been broken.


It will take time. And sometimes even years to regain complete trust in your marriage.

But how do you rebuild and restore trust with your husband or wife? What do you do when trust is broken?

Well, in addition to the two important steps we mentioned above (transparency and effective communication), below are 18 tips you can implement immediately.

Pick the most relevant tip(s) and start practicing it today.

18 Tips to help you regain, restore, or rebuild trust in your marriage

1. Ask your spouse what you can do to earn back their trust.

2. Promise yourself, and each other that you will be truthful and honest even if it hurts.

3. Share your secrets especially the pains and struggles you go through every day.

4. Learn to fight fair in a healthy way.

5. Stop the lying. It will only make things worse.

6. Be aware of the damages caused, accept your wrongdoings and be responsible.

7. Keep your promises.

8. Listen and pay attention to your spouse.

9. Take the blame-game away.

10. Give your spouse an opportunity to earn your trust.

11. Trust in marriage is mutual. It takes two to make it happen. So, make sure your spouse is on board.

12. Be yourself and be real.

13. Be open to counseling or seeing a marriage coach if need be.

14. Forgive your spouse.

15. Develop a plan of action and execute it.

16. Accept that it will take time and patience.

17. Show your spouse you love and appreciate them.

18. Set boundaries in your marriage to prevent a repeat of the same trust issues that caused the trust to be broken and betrayed.

If your spouse is willing to trust you again, you can always earn his/her trust back. The difficult part is when your spouse doesn’t want to trust you again because of one or multiple betrayals.

In that case, you will both have to talk about what your marriage will look like without trust. It will be a difficult conversation, but one to have sooner, rather than later.

Marriage workshop for building, rebuilding and restoring trust in marriage.

If you are looking for more ways to rebuild trust in your marriage, check out Trust Me! Restore, Renew & Rebuild Your Foundation.

Trust Me! is an online marriage workshop that will help you to build, rebuild, and strengthen trust in your marriage. You can even save your marriage and bring back trust by applying what you learn from this marriage workshop.

Click here to access Trust Me! Restore, Renew & Rebuild Your Foundation

If you prefer to read, try reading some of the best marriage books.

A great one to check out about trust is Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken by Cindy Beall. This book will help you rebuild trust in your marriage.

Your spouse has the best intentions for you

After getting married, the two become one. Your trust for each other must benurtured and protected continually. Never entertain distrust in your marriage.

Always be honest and sincere with your spouse. If you are unwilling to trust your spouse, what are your reasons? What is stopping you?

Whatever your reasons are, don’t be afraid to share them with your spouse. So you can resolve them as soon as possible.

If you need more help, always seek the help of a marriage counselor or coach.

Final thoughts

It’s very very hard to rebuild trust in marriage. Infact, it takes years to build trust with someone so respect and honor the trust your spouse has for you.

Never take it for granted.

Now, if you’re trying to build, strengthen, or rebuild trust with your spouse, practice what you have learned today. And you will be on your way to building complete trust with your spouse.

“A marriage without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want but it won’t go anywhere.” Unknown

Your turn

Do you trust your spouse completely?

How do you deal with mistrust issues in your marriage?

What are some other ways for rebuilding trust in marriage?


Gratitude is expressed to https://ourpeacefulfamily.com/trust-in-marriage-how-to-build-rebuild-restore-spouse-wife-husband/

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Finding real love and experiencing genuine emotions is something really rare nowadays.  It’s an incredible event that has the power to change your life.  A sensation that will make you understand things you haven’t even realized before.

It’s something that is worth waiting for.  Something that should never be compromised.  Love is an emotion that needs to be experienced fully.  In all its extents, in all its forms is all its realms.  Because only then will we be able to truly understand the meaning of our existence.

In the meantime, know your worth and never settle for something less than you deserve.  Be alone if you have to, but wait for the real things.  Choose to be with a person who genuinely cares about making you happy.


Find a person who never wants to leave you.  Someone who would enjoy being beside you every step of the way.  Someone who wouldn’t stand not seeing you even for one day.

The person who truly loves you would enjoy seeing you every hour, every minute, every second of the day.


Don’t settle for a person who can’t find time to see you.  Don’t settle for the inconsiderate guy who plays his childish games with you and avoids expressing his real emotions.

Stay single if you need, but wait for the right person who will show you that love knows no limits.


Love is something that should be experienced fully.  It is an emotion that should consume our soul and help us experience the sublime sensation of freedom.

If a person cannot bother to undress their soul in front of you and reveal their deepest secrets and flaws, that’s not love.


Choose to wait for the real one.  Because when he comes, you’ll feel it.  You’ll feel burning sensation inside your fragile heart.  The butterflies in your stomach will go crazy.  Your eyes will glisten the way they never did before.  Your smile will shine brighter than ever.

When it is right, you’ll feel it in your gut.


More importantly, never settle for someone who can’t embrace you for your individuality.  Don’t settle for a person who can’t accept your flaws and constantly tries to mold you into something they need.

Stay single until you meet the love of your life who will fully accept you for who you truly are.


If you want to feel genuine love and uncensored, raw emotions don’t settle for someone who likes to believe that “there are plenty of fishes in the sea”.

Instead, save your heart for a person who wouldn’t want to imagine his life without you in it.  Choose to be with someone who would love imagining his future with only you.


Be with the guy who won’t be afraid to embrace you with all of your achievement and glory.  Choose to settle for a man who will cheer for you every step of the way, someone who will celebrate your success, not despise it.

Life is short for waisting on all the wrong people.


Most importantly, don’t settle for less that you truly deserve until you find a man who will do anything to prove to you that love exists and can be found in the most unusual places.

Stay single until you find this person, guard your soul, nurture your heart and choose to be with the one who will show you what love really means.

PS.  Once you find such a man – never let go cherish him as he will cherish you.  Together as a couple you will meet the challenges and joys of life.


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In Service Of The Heart

Posted October 8, 2018 By Mark

In Service Of The Heart

If I spent some time every day connecting to my heart
If I spent some time every day connecting to the stillness there
If I spent some time every day connecting to the peace there
If I spent some time every day connecting to the love there
If I spent some time every day connecting to the Mystery there
If I spent some time every day connecting to myself there
I might live with a little more kindness
I might live with a little more gentleness
I might live with a little more compassion
I might live with a little more gratitude
I might live with a little more peace
I might live with a little more caring
I might live with a little more connection
I might live with a little more awareness
I might live with a little more softness
I might see you in me
I might see your journey beside mine
You on your path through life
Me on mine
And I might ask
Can I share a moment with you
That may be a word, a touch, a breath, a look
From my heart
That simply says
I see you
Can I take a moment to wonder at the world
A flower, a tree, a cloud, the sky
And be a part of it
And breathe thanks
Can I soften my grasp on acquiring
And consider creating
And grow the understanding that there is enough
Can I take a moment to go within
And heal my hurts
That I may be whole to share myself
With life
And teach my children so
And can I sit with you, my love
Your hand in mine
And know, simply know
That your heart beats with mine
Beats with the tides
Beats with the breeze
Beats with the rising sun
Beats with life
Beats with love.

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These days there are much more single moms than in the past, and it seems like it is generally believed that a woman is capable of raising a child, particularly a daughter, on her own. But, studies done in the recent years show that this couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Not only do girls benefit a lot from having their father with them, but having a father around is critical for their emotional development.


A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology has found that daughters who have great relationships with their fathers are at lower risk of developing depression and anxiety and are better at handing stress.  In addition, they are more comfortable talking about their emotions and this allows them to be prepared for fulfilling relationships later on.

Thinks like relationships, sexuality, values, and self-image are additional things that fathers shape for their daughters. When a dad forms a healthy relationship with his daughter, he basically helps her create a positive self-image and boosts her self-confidence.


Not only do dads have a tremendous impact emotionally, they also have a huge impact on the financial and physical health of their daughters. A study done by Rutgers has shown that girls that have a father who is involved all the time from the very beginning are more likely to have enough to eat. They are physically healthier compared to those who have absent or uninvolved fathers, too.

Fathers also help provide financial stability, which combined with emotional and physical health allows them to be more successful and more financially stable.


Fathers who are involved from the very beginning and whose bond is stronger are able to reap and provide all the benefits mentioned above. Earlier involvement is relatively new concepts, given that about seven decades ago fathers couldn’t even be present in the room when their daughters were born.

These days, there are more opportunities for men to be involved from the very beginning.  They can feed their girls using formula, rock them to sleep, change their diapers and many more, which allows them to build a special bond from the start.


Despite the greater opportunities for early involvement, there are negative effects from the media that men find hard to overcome. For instance, fathers are portrayed as idiots who are completely unaware of women and their needs.  But, it is important for men to look at these poor portrayals as something insignificant and recognize them as stereotypes which shouldn’t be followed.


While having a dad around is of utmost importance, this s not to diminish the role of mothers. Mothers provide valuable advice about what it means to be a successful woman and are the ones that provide their daughters with information on puberty, menstruation, and so on.



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